Motherhood : to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body

Being a mum, we have spent nine months doing everything that we think is best to welcome a healthy little human. We refrained ourselves from drinking coffee though we love it so much, eating healthy not yummy food because it is good for the baby and so many other things. We worried of so many things. We think of so many "What if I am not doing enough?". We want to be the perfect mum for our baby.

We love this beautiful little human long before they were even born. Once the cutie-pie is born, we felt so happy and relieved. And we thought (or at least I did) the worrisome moment is now gone. My baby is here with me now. We will our live happily ever after and nothing is going to be wrong.

I'll stop you right there.

My heart that walking outside of my body

"Making decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."

Elizabeth Stone

I was once read this quote and it stuck in my head for so many days. Umar is a fun-loving, cheerful, bubbly young man. Adding to that, he is also fearless. The fearless side of him has made my heart nearly explode so many times. The moment when he happily jump into the pool when I am not ready yet to the moment when he climbed up the ladder in the split seconds when I am not looking.

Bubbly, joyful Umar Rayyan

The thought of something 
bad could happen to him made me want to hug him, never let go and be there all the time. Luckily, my brain still function rationally. Going along from day to day, it occurs to me that I have to be brave enough to let him explore the world. Growing up is a scary process, he may fall few times along the way. My job is not to never let him fall, but to encourage him to rise up once he fall.

Am I letting go all of the fear? No. The fear is what going to keep me balance. Fear can indeed make me being more careful. It can indeed keep us safe.

I was once thinking that I am teaching so many things to my son. But, the truth is I am learning so much from my son. I am learning to be brave, to enjoy my life to the fullest and to be forgiving to people. Lastly, he also taught me how little things could make you happy.

Aisyah